STERKWORKS | Ex-Mormon Lesbian Surviving Utah

My first ever review of LDS conference and I am excited. Now before you get your hopes up, I didn’t watch Mormon conference. I just go to mom and dad’s house from noon until 2pm between the morning and afternoon sessions because they serve free sandwiches. And it is one of the few times the whole family shows up at the same place at the same time.

The sandwiches were the same as always. Hogie buns with a selection of fake pressed ham, fake pressed turkey roll, and some kind of beef. Sis went so far this time as to bring her own meat. I laughed. She is particular about her meat. There was also a lovely selection of corn chips and potato chips. I brought a crapload of cookies (no, I didn’t bake them) so the meal was nutritionally sound and well rounded.

I was lucky enough to score an empty seat at the table as everybody else kind of stood around. What did I learn from my father and brothers sitting at the table with me?

• President Clinton caused the financial mess we are in by insisting minorities have the opportunity of owning homes.
• I heard the conversion story of  Glenn Beck and the almost miracles that happened to him after he was baptized.
• Half of swimming pool brother’s ward is voting for Obama, and the thought hit him as incredulous as “they are all smart.”
• Rich Brother gave his take on the real estate melt down, as he got to be rich brother because he is in real estate development, but I missed what he had to say. Homophobe brother’s wife was yelling at me to make sure I was doing ok, noticing where I was sitting. That was kind of her.
• Sister and Fishbone had long ago moved into another room, because they are cool Mormons and my father’s preaching doom and gloom gets to them too.
• Dad is going to have surgery on his shoulder. Swimming pool brother asked him which shoulder; his bad one? We couldn’t stop laughing, and I guaranteed his wife we didn’t judge her by her husband.

Just a taste of my Sunday afternoon once every six months. It is fun to be around most of the family. But at what cost? Yea. It is still worth it.

Filed under: Mormon, Family