Rich Brother Sold Pot, His Son Get’s Eagle
As everybody folded their arms for the opening prayer, my cell phone rang. From my pocket came the lovely voice of Peter Griffin from Family Guy singing, “Can’t Touch This,” made famous by MC Hammer in 1990. Shit. I speedily hit the silent button. After the prayer, I left the gymnasium and returned the call to my nieces who were trying to find the church, as their dad, swimming pool brother and his wife are in Australia for the month.
A Mormon gymnasium is the all-purpose-use-it-as-everything-but-worship-room. Basketball games, plays, wedding receptions, and Eagle Scout ceremonies. Luckily rich brother, father of the Eagle Scout, wore jeans, so I didn’t feel under dressed.
The entire family showed up, except those out of the country on business. It was great. There was a very cool American Bald Eagle and I felt like an idiot when I about teared up seeing it. And the flag stuff always gets me too. I am a patriotic wussy lesbian (not to be confused with a citizen of Lesbos, Lesbian, but a citizen of the United States of America lesbian). I sometimes feel torn because I feel the Boy Scouts of America is a bigoted organization, but I support family and love my nephews and nieces.
Although I was proud of my nephew, I was more proud of rich brother. He is about eight years younger than me and the one I always took with me to high school football games. He would go on ward camp outs and girls would hand feed him breakfast on cold mornings so he wouldn’t have to take his hands out of his coat pockets. Yes, he had the social skills at a young age.
When rich brother was just a year or two older than his now Eagle Scout son, he was selling pot out of his bedroom in my parents’ basement. My parents were so amazed at how many friends he had, but also could never figure out why they never stayed longer than five minutes per visit. I doubt he paid his 10% tithing on the profits from his early business ventures.
I had long left home (at age 18) and wasn’t there when rich brother had an epiphany, went on a Mormon mission, baptized his girlfriend when he got home, and married her. Very fairy tale. And now his oldest child is an Eagle Scout.
My brother and his wife were so proud, and I am so happy for them. He works so hard and is a good husband and father. I am proud of him. And tonight I congratulate HIM on his son’s Eagle Scout award.
Filed under: Life Lessons, Humor, Lesbian, Family, Utah
