STERKWORKS | Ex-Mormon Lesbian Surviving Utah

Dad was supposed to have shoulder replacement surgery this morning. I cannot believe his doctors approved it. It is elective surgery. He is 71 years old, 500 pounds, and has diabetes.

Sister picked up mom and dad at 5:30 am for his 7:30 am surgery. I was going to take my shift at 3 pm after a meeting in Salt Lake City. I spent last night trying to determine on whose shift he would die.

My first call would usually be to my sister, but my plan was to call my brother who is leaving for Europe tomorrow so he could change his plans. Then I would call my sister. And how would I do this while consoling my mother, without it looking rude and insensitive.

My sister, who works in a PICU, said the anesthesiologist looked aghast. The doctors looked at my dad and mom and sister and made sure they KNEW he could die. FORCEFULLY. They asked for his living will.

Luckily my sister called at about 9 am this morning and said they canceled the surgery. My father’s potassium level was too high. He is not going to reschedule the surgery.

Filed under: Family | 5 Comments »

Actually, I don’t think I am twisted, my 10-year-old nephew says he is twisted…and I made him that way.

Last night I took my daughter and 12- and 10-year-old nephews to the haunted village at This Is The Place State Park in Salt Lake City. The 12-year-old used the 45 minute drive to explain to all of us the plot of the latest book he is reading, “The Host.” But E., the 10-year-old, somehow ‘fessed up that he is twisted and I made him that way. I should have pursued this further, but didn’t. I just spent the entire drive trying to figure out how I made E. twisted.

In all honesty, I must confess that I’ve always stretched the truth with those little ones to play with their minds. Until recently, they thought their older sister was so smart because she was born with two brains. Their older brother thought the term “riding shotgun” came from a time when milk was so rare and expensive that someone had to sit in the front seat with a shotgun to protect the milk when driving it home from the store. Yes, I have that power to warp them. But twisted?

Maybe it is because I played Halo with E. when he was only five or six. Even then he beat me. A grown up who likes to blow the heads off of aliens with kids is cool. And although I would always lose, I had a blast. E. is now the best Halo 3 player I know. Better than any adult. Twisted? Who knows.

Even though I made E. twisted, I feel okay about it. Because when I took this same group to Temple Square to see the Christmas lights, E.’s brother told me it was “the most spiritual experience of my life.” I keep it even. Half of them I introduce to sprituality. Half of them to twistedness. Sounds like what every good aunt should do.

Filed under: Life Lessons, Humor, Family, Utah, Normalcy | 2 Comments »

I met a friend tonight for an adult movie. Okay, a “grown up” movie. One I wouldn’t go to with my daughter. W. was good. And funny. And sad.

In the downtown Salt Lake City parking garage, there were Barack Obama stickers everywhere. Tears in my eyes lurking under the surface. We’re talking Utah here. There was a preview of the Harvey Milk movie, and of course tears came to my eyes again like everytime I see that preview.

I felt like a grown up. Dinner and movie and Obama stickers and lots of I’m sure Democrats and non-Mormons. I really need to get out more.

Filed under: gay, Life Lessons, Lesbian, Mormon, Politics | 1 Comment »

So sorry daughter, that I wanted a salad for dinner and knowing we are out of lettuce, pulled in a drive-thru. So sorry the fast food joint I picked did not meet your approval and because of your passive-aggressive behavior you decided that nothing was acceptable for you to order.

So sorry there was nothing at home for you to eat. And by nothing, I mean: leftover pizza, leftover chicken and pasta, five varieties of soup, tuna, ham, peanut butter and jelly, bread, bagels and cream cheese, three varieties of breakfast cereal, four varieties of oatmeal, apples, peaches, cheese, one frozen dinner, one frozen breakfast, chili, rice, white or wheat pasta, granola bars, hot dogs, mac and cheese, chicken, three varieties of veggies, edamame.

You get the point.

Filed under: Humor, Family, Normalcy | 7 Comments »

I spent 80 minutes today either on hold or attempting to speak to Dell technical support. All five people I spoke with were in India.

My Dell laptop got not a blue screen of death, but a black screen of death. It is thirty days old and I took it to the Best Buy (they suck too) where I purchased it and they told me they didn’t have the original software to reinstall windows. I should have made a backup disk first thing when I bought the computer. Well excuse me, but the pile of disks I got was so huge I just assumed the windows disk was in there. Best Buy sucks. Their attitude was “too bad so sad.” No more purchases from them.

So I hate Indian outsourcing. Does that make me a bigot? Two different reps told me they couldn’t understand me and could I please speak more clearly and slowly. WTF? One I couldn’t understand at all and asked to speak to someone who spoke better English. He put me on eternal hold. Another asked how to spell “Utah.” Really? Utah? It is four letters. Doesn’t Dell give you any training?

So my disks are coming in a day or two. And Best Buy sucks. And Dell sucks. And Dell customer service sucks. And Indian outsourcing sucks. And if that makes me a bigot, then I suck. Oh well.

Filed under: Ranting, Am I Bad? | 6 Comments »

It was an angry, pissy day. I am blaming it on hormones, but I think pain was the real reason.

I slept in. I should have been happy, but just felt guilty because I had so much to do. Of course, I did set the alarm to make sure my daughter made it off to school in time. Then went back to sleep.

I pulled weeds in the garden and those damn grass strands that pop up everywhere are annoying. So I went to Homo Depot and bought some of that grass-but-not-plant killer. Die suckers die.

A woman had emailed me to apply for a job. She saw my resume somewhere. So I did apply. Then later in the day they had decided to put hiring on hold. Hmm. Economy sucks.

I got some computer work done, but halfway through the day Digis went out. A tech from the company was removing the satellite from the neighbor’s roof, and I told him the entire townhouse community was interconnected. He didn’t listen. It wasn’t his fault.

My neck had been killing me all day. Thus the pain that I am blaming my kinda crappy day on. I finally took something at 5pm, which made me fall asleep for an hour. It still hurts, but not as much. If I had health insurance, I would have called my doctor and had her stick the biggest fattest fullest needle of something in my neck and make the whole thing numb.

But hey, I helped an out-of-towner at the liquor store tonight and got to watch Rachel Maddow, and in half an hour get to see The Daily Show. I am planning on tomorrow being better, and know it will be because I am going to vote. Early voting. Yay! A first for me. I feel so grown up.

Filed under: Ranting, Life Lessons, Miscellany | 1 Comment »