First the Lesbians, Now the Dykes
Being absolutely bored to tears by the nonstop coverage of the sad death of Tim Russert, I “happened upon” a news story that nobody is covering. As a civic duty, I share it with you here.
Amsterdam, The Netherlands — 18 June, 2008
Following the lead of the citizens of Lesbos, Greece, Johannes Van der Berg, Deputy Prime Minister for Public Affairs and Historical Accuracy, today announced the launch of his party’s campaign to “Reclaim the Dyke.”
Van der Berg, a member of The Christian Democratic Appeal (CDA) party, made the announcement on the steps of the Rijksmuseum to a small but vocal crowd.
“Dykes have been associated with The Netherlands since they were first built over 2000 years ago. I find it appaling that Lesbians, not the residents of Greece, but women who have carnal knowledge of one another, have adopted the term ‘dyke’ as their own.
“This recent trend for women to have sex with other women and call themselves ‘dykes’ is sure to be a short-lived movement. However, the harm that comes to The Netherlands by their use of the term ‘dyke’ shall linger for generations.”
When asked about his view on the fact that The Netherlands has allowed same-sex couples to legally marry since 2001, Van der Berg had no comment.
“After meeting with the committee for public affairs and historical accuracy,” Van der Berg continued, “we have introduced legislation that the new term ‘Labian’ shall be used at all times in this country to refer to women who have sex with other women. We have shared our work with our counterparts in Greece, and they are considering introducing similar legislation in their country.”
Van der Berg became Deputy Prime Minster for Public Affairs and Historical Accuracy in 2005. He lives in Badhoevedorp with his wife of 14 years, Adriana-Pieternella, and his two sons Huijghe and Lennaert.
What these people don’t understand is that you can’t control the use of language. Legislating that lesbians are to be called labians (which is kind of funny, actually), isn’t going to make people stop calling them lesbians, dykes, or carpet-munchers if that’s what they want to call them. If somehow that term labian took off on it’s own to mean lesbian, then that would be a natural progression of language, but you can’t force that progression. And anyway, if we called them labians, I bet some straight women would say, “That’s not fair, because we have labias and we’re not gay!”
Homophobes need to get a hobby.
Well done. I thought this was a real news story until I got to the “Labian” part. By the way, I am sick of the Tim Russert news too.
i have evil visuals of what the “sword of labian” may look like…
forgive me.
Ha. I like the term “Labian”. I agree with Sra though, and I came to comment pretty much exactly what she said, only she beat me to it.
you are one funny woman-who-longs-for-carnal-knowledge-of-other-women. seriously.
Lame.
We used to live near “Dyke 8″ in California. I loved driving by that sign.