STERKWORKS | Ex-Mormon Lesbian Rocking Utah

48 years and nine months ago today, my parents had sex. One of five times they “did the deed.” Wait. Mom had one miscarriage, so I guess they had sex six times. Now, I doubt my father can find his penis. And I’m sure my mother is glad he can’t.

46 years and nine months ago today, my parents had sex again. Yes, swimming pool brother and me have the same birthday, but two years apart. Once in Mormon sacrament meeting when my father was speaking, (probably because we had just moved into the ward and he was introducing the family), he mentioned my brother and me having the same birthday. He then told the ward that he had been a mathematician at the time, and yes, he planned everything down to the minute. Everyone laughed. (What other “minute” like things could he brag about? I always wondered but never dared ask mom.)

Growing up, mom would put eight candles on the birthday cake, and swimming pool brother would blow them out. Then she would add two more candles and I would blow them out. Sharing a birthday was normal. The first time we were apart on our birthday was very weird, and lonely. I was working in Hawaii and he was on a Mormon mission in Ecuador.

My brother is a good man. A good husband. A good father. A good brother. When my daughter was born and had difficulties, the idea was brought up of giving her a Mormon blessing, even though I was no longer Mormon. Yes, of course, as long as HE did it. (When you think your child might die, you would accept a voodoo priestess to do whatever she could, too.) He has always gone out of his way to treat both me and my daughter with respect and love. His daughter, my niece, recently invited me to her Temple marriage ceremony, knowing I could in no way attend. His kids take after him.

So happy double birthday to me and swimming pool brother. Treats at mom’s house will be interesting, as I don’t eat sugar and he doesn’t eat carbs. Maybe some lovely cheese. That would be fine, ’cause it is the company that counts.

Filed under: Humor, Mormon, Family