Back in the Closet Again
I start a new job on Monday, so I’m heading back in the closet. Kind of. If someone approaches me and asks me if I am a lesbian, of course I will be honest and respond as I did to a female coworker a few years ago, “Would you like to find out?”
In my opinion, I probably look like a frumpy Mormon middle-aged housewife, so I am probably safe. But bad memories form future decisions and actions.
Being “out” has always been a no brainer. I don’t run around saying, “I’m a lesbo, I’m a lesbo” at work. If someone asks me a question and the only honest answer reveals that I am a lesbian, then that is how I answer the question. Most people get to know and love me long before they realize I am a lesbo. Having a daughter completely throws people off. And even then, they figure I was married before. Nope. Artificial insemination.
My bad work memory was at a company called Comp Health in Salt Lake City. I had worked there seven years and had a Mormon Bishop boss for the last year of my employment. Being part of management, I was expected to attend the annual holiday party, and of course I took my partner. Everybody in the company knew I was gay. But apparently not my new boss.
Within a few months, I had been demoted, moved to a cubicle where the storage file cabinets had previously been, and had nothing to do. My boss thought I would quit. No, not with a child to support. I was given a lame excuse, so I contacted a lawyer thinking there was a real reason for this demotion–I had filed a formal complaint against my boss for inappropriate gender typecasting/language about the same time frame. I found a lawyer and found a new job.
After a few weeks, the lawyer informed me that I did have a case against the company for retaliation and I had the paper trail to prove it, but he told me he did some checking, and the real reason I no longer had a job was that my boss found out I was a lesbian. Career over. WTF? I was so pissed. That hadn’t even occurred to me. The bastards. I was so mad I decided to become a lawyer, took the LSAT a month later, got an average score, then got over it, but not really.
So one can see how I am a bit leery when starting a new job where I don’t know the culture or make up of employees. I might be a little less cautious if I wasn’t a single mom. But taking care of my daughter is a priority. So I will walk that tightrope of being back in the closet, but being honest.
Filed under: gay, Lesbian, Mormon, Place d'employ
That’s such a fine line to tread. Utah is an interesting state because we have a rather sizeable gay population, but we also have a rather sizeable homophobe population. Makes for interesting conflict.
Good luck in your new job.
It’s so ridiculous that you even have to contemplate this situation. Hopefully, someday everyone will grow up and get over it all ready.
Best of luck in your new job. I hope you will find them to be open minded and enjoy the work.
Good luck with your new job - It sucks that you have to even worry about something like this - it seems like an unnecessary burden over your work - I really respect your dedication to your daughter.
I WAS HURT WHEN I READ YOUR POST. IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES… WE STILL, TO THIS DAY IN 2008, LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE WE CAN SIMPLY NOT ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE. WHEN MY NOW 10 YEAR OLD SON WAS IN SECOND GRADE HE CAME HOME AND ASKED ME HOW SOMEONE COULD HAVE TWO MOM’S AND NOT A MOM AND DAD LIKE HIM. WE JUST SAID BECAUSE THAT’S WHO THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH. HE SAID OKAY AND NEVER ANOTHER WORD. LIVING IN THE “TEXAS BIBLE BELT” IT IS ALWAYS SUCH A BIG DEAL! WHY! I THINK IT STARTS AT HOME AND FOR THOSE DUMB ASS FUCKTARD GROWN-UPS THAT STILL DON’T GET IT…I’D RATHER STICK A FORK IN MY EYE THAN BE AROUND THEM! GOOD LUCK AND YOU GO GIRL!